


Bucky and Steve do NOT bake a cake.

by tbmd1066



Series: Hot Potato Prompts [9]
Category: Bible Black, Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bible Black - Freeform, Book: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Iron Man wears pink lace panties, M/M, Peter Pan - Freeform, ass, desperately avoiding the true meaning of deflowering, gay panties sex, glitter gun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 12:39:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2068563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbmd1066/pseuds/tbmd1066
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky make a cake. Well, not really. Read it anyway though, it's beautiful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky and Steve do NOT bake a cake.

"I'm hungry." Bucky complained, flopping over the couch in Steve's apartment. 

Steve got up to check what he had in the fridge. "I have beer and cold noodles."

"That's sad. I want cake."

"Cake?"

"Cake."

Steve blinked. "I can buy a cake."

"I want to make a cake."

"Why?"

"With you." they spoke at the same time. Steve stared at his life-long friend. 

"Oh." he smiled. "Sure. Do you want to watch a movie while we do it?"

"That would be amazing." Bucky declared. "I mean really, you've got a TV in your kitchen, that's fucking incredible, Steve."

Steve went to put on a movie, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, but forgot he had left on one of his favourite videos, Bible Black. Bucky stared at the video as the hot, naked, purple haired girl was ravished by an alien. 

"Um." said Steve. "Whoops." he ejected the DVD. 

"What even is the future?" Bucky said, staring at the blank screen.

"Sorry." the Disney logo flashed across the screen, the wholesome music and fairies awkward in the quiet kitchen. 

"So, Disney's obviously still a thing?"

"Oh yeah."

"That's nice."

"Can you get the eggs out?" Steve asked.

Bucky just groaned and rolled his eyes, looking over at Steve as he went to look through the fridge. 

"Are you serious right now? Eggs? You DO remember what happened last time eggs were out right? Last time I handled eggs they turned out to look like a bunch of chunks of dead prostitutes!" He reached into the fridge to bring out butter instead. Butter with olive oil. The good kind. Know what I mean? Anyway,

"So…rather than making eggs or anything, why don't we go and sit in the living room instead? I mean, there we can just relax and watch TV, right?" Steve asked, getting up and already heading there. 

"Nah, you go ahead. I'll stay behind and finish my breakfast." Bucky waved the other off and faced away with his head in the fridge. Steve nodded and was about the leave. He turned his head to look back at him and ask again to make sure that was his final answer, but his eyes caught sight of something absolutely perfect…and round. Bucky's ass. The round, beautiful, juicy ass. Steve bit his lip as he stared at the attractive backside. After a moment, he left the room and plopped himself down onto the couch. He turned on the television to get his mind off of that ass, but he had no luck. He kept thinking and thinking more and more about the ass and found that heat was turned on. He groaned and looked around quickly, making sure Bucky wasn't going to enter the room soon. Once Steve was sure of this fact, he slowly brought his hand down to the button on his pants. His fingers worked to undo that and the zipper. He shimmied the pants down a bit and waited a moment before he brought his hand down into the boxers. He sat there like that, completely focused on his own pleasure. 

"STEVE?!?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!" Bucky shouted as he entered the room. Steve's hand quickly flew out of his pants and he put both hands up in defence. 

"W-Wait! I can explain!! I swear it wasn't because of you!!" Steve shouted. 

"It wasn't! What do you mean!?" replied Bucky confused and strained. 

"I'm sorry!…Erhm, also, while I am up to confessing things, I will admit I also borrowed your robotic arm.." The captain said with a sigh.  Earnestly, but also to serve as a distraction.

"You did? What for?" Bucky questioned.

"My collection of high-tech sex toys."

"But how did you-"

"Just don't." The captain looked away in disgrace, and the room fell dead silent.  Dead silent, and disturbed.

Just then, the window flung open and an warm breeze blew into the room and wrapped around them.  It was filled with a substantial amount of dust that sparkled vibrantly in a variety of colours.  Steve felt suddenly relaxed, happier.  Bucky could not resist the smile that met his lips.  The room suddenly felt so magical.  They looked at one another, eyes filled with affection.  Steve shuffled towards Bucky, ready to embrace him when a man in green tights suddenly dove in through the window.  Actually, he was not a man.  He seemed quite young.  He smiled cheerfully, a big wide, and eager smile.  Upon seeing it, Bucky was filled with disgust and went back to being his usual grumpy self.

"Hi there folks, my name is Peter Pan, and I'm here to abduct you!" said the boy in green as he stood between the two men.

"What the fuck even is the future?" Bucky asked, amazed.

"I don't know, I just roll with it." Steve said in a defeated voice. "Why are you here?"

"BECAUSE WE'RE GOING ON A PANTY RAID!" Peter crowed. 

"What the fuck." Buck said. Not a question, just exasperation. "Like really, what the fuck."

"Who's panties are we raiding?" Steve asked.

"Steve!"

"I'm curious."

"WE'RE RAIDING" *dramatic zoom onto Peter Pan* "IRON MAN'S PANTIES!"

Silence fell over the younger two, because actually if you think about it, Peter Pan is way older than Captain America and the Winter Soldier COMBINED. How fucking weird is that?

"T-Tony wears panties?" Steve blinked in shock. 

"I just wanted a cake." Bucky muttered to no one in particular. 

"I think…" said Steve, wondering if he should do the right thing or not. "I think we should definitely do that." Bucky sighed. 

"God dammit it."

And so, that's how Pepper Potts walked into her employer's room, only to find Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes in pale pink, lacy underpants, and covered in glitter. 

"….What….the hell…is this?" She asked, looking utterly freaked out. She took a step back, afraid to get the glitter on herself as well. Steve and Bucky snapped their gaze in her direction, eyes wide with surprise. 

"T-…I…um….shit…" Steve cursed, quickly getting off of Bucky. Bucky's blush matched the colour of the underpants that just barely covered his crotch. 

"ARE THOSE MY UNDERPANTS?!" She exclaimed. 

"Hey hey hey, calm down. Hey, Steve! This is like that one time with the jews! Remember that?" He exclaimed and grinned. Steve laughed loudly and nodded. "Of coarse I remember that!" Bucky started speaking again. " It's just a pair of underpants. I'll give them back if you really want."Bucky already started to take them off. Pepper quickly looked away and shook her head, covering her eyes. 

"No! Please! Do NOT take off the underwear! I do NOT want those after what you did! Oh, and let me guess." She started, crossing her arms.

" Tony gave you the glitter gun? Typical…."

"I want a glitter gun!" gasped Cap!

"Why on earth would you want a glitter gun!?" Cried Bucky gravely.

"Because it is so flowery."

"Flowery?" asked Pepper. 

"Yes... That's the new slang for AWESOME!" Steve said with a thumbs up.

"In that case, I would like to try deflowering the princess." Bucky grunted. 

"What princess?" They all asked.

"The next one I meet, I shall "deflower". Royalty these days has no respect for your average modern day marvel super hero. I hear they much more enjoy the Dc kind of super heroes."

Suddenly, a thought dawned on Bucky.

"STEVE!" He screamed.  "WE FORGOT ABOUT THE CAKE! ITS NAT'S BIRTHDAY AND SHES GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE AND WE STILL HAVEN'T MADE A CAKE!"

Steve swore.  "We haven't got any time to make one now…." He mumbled.

"Let me handle this." Pepper offered.  As she was speaking, Natasha walked in through the door.  She had the expression of someone trying desperately hard not to look excited.  She was clearly expecting something big.  She paused for a moment as she scanned the room.

"Uh, interesting guest list for my birthday party." She looked over to Steve and Bucky and smiled.  "Its the thought that counts. Thanks!"

Pepper looked like she was about to say something, but Steve was suddenly overcome with guilt.  

"Nat, I have a confession to make.  We got a bit distracted and couldn't properly plan your birthday party.  We didn't even finish baking the cake.  Its probably burnt to ashes by now.  I'm so sorry."  There were tears forming in his eyes.'

Nat sighed.  "Its okay.  At this point, I'm used to disappointing birthday parties.  Why don't we all try to have some fun anyway?"

Everyone nodded in agreement.  And boy did they try to have fun.  They really, really tried.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt Cards for this disaster:  
> Tentacle porn  
> Chunks of dead prostitute, Masturbation  
> Hi-tech sex toys,  
> Being abducted by Peter Pan  
> Panty raids  
> The Jews  
> Deflowering the princess  
> A disappointing birthday party
> 
> Bible Black isn't even tentacle porn.


End file.
